Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Panties = found
Randomize
