Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
