that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
