The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
