omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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