He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
