Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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