Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
