Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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