Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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