I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
