Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
