there's paper in my vomit.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
