Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
