it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
