I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
