Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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