fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
