she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
