I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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