i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
