slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
