She's JV to your varsity
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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