so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
