Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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