So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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