It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
