Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
