I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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