turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
