so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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