your parents love me but you hate me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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