there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
