I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
