I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
