I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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