would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
