you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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