she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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