Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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