I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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