He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
