She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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