On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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