forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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