He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
