I just made out with a guy for $7.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
