id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
