I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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