Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
