Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
