I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There's even glitter on my cock...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
