May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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