i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
