i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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