Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He? As in you personified your dick?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
