I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
