God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
