No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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