come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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