Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
