you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
