The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
