never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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