If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
