Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
