I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
