I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
