I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
