I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
