Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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