So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
