If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
