If i come over, it means nothing
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
